From Sandra's diary

Sandra started to write her diary in 1972, at the age of 10, and continued until the day before her death, in 1984. She wrote short thoughts, intentions and deep reasonings, in which is shown her relationship with God, who is Love, who is the starting and ending point of her inner path.

Her nature is reflected in the thoughts of her diary: profound and simple, contemplative and rational, immersed in a profound faith which leave her free to express herself as a child of God, who she loved as a Father. Here are some meaningful passages:

The hour of the call

The truth is that we need to learn, in faith, to wait for God and this, as an attitude of the soul, requires a big effort. This attitude of 'waiting, making no plans, scanning the sky and being in silence' is the most interesting of our tasks. The 'hour of our call' will come, but we would be blind if in that hour we think that we are the authors of such wonders. Instead, the wonder is that God acts through us, who are so miserable and poor.

This is the synthesis of contemplation and action, it is the point of contact between earth and sky, between man and God. Through loving you will find your path; through loving you will listen to his voice, through loving you will find his peace. 'In his voluntade is our peace'.
(Diary 13/02/1983)

'Every day of our life, save us, Lord'. Now that I have chosen university, help me to prize your Love and my brothers and sisters highly every day. Help me to live out the coming years of study, which appear in front of me, as only a necessary transit to reach the goal, the path you want me to walk. Help me to understand that the fact that I did not make the ‘radical choice’ does not mean that I am not on your way. I want to love you and love every day, in every moment of my life, even in the most absurd situations.
(Diary 08/08/1980)

The only important thing is love

Afternoon
The need for infinity is inside ourselves and we cannot pretend to ignore it. Infinity is there, waiting for us anytime our fictitious answers to this need fail. And then there is also the desire to love others, which is so strong and at the same time so suffocated by my limited reality, selfishness and fears. However, I am convinced, truly convinced, that the only important thing is to love. Sometimes I think, “what is the meaning of my being?” What really counts is to love, do not ask for more. The very few times when I have managed to do this for real, unconditionally, I felt true peace and so, if God is love, He can be nothing but infinite peace in every sense.
(Diary, Verucchio 07/08/81)

Sandy's birthday
May my hours be a continuous praise to you. But how can I thank you if the voice with which I sing of You is not mine, but is a gift from you? As are my eyes, with which I am astonished by everything, and all my person, with which I try to raise myself towards you? Lord, I can do nothing but view the years of life you've given me till now as a miracle. Thank you, because, notwithstanding my limits, you have had the patience to stay close to me. Help me to trust you and not always to demand complete understanding of what you ask me, because this is my pride: when I want to measure you with my thoughts.
(Diary 19/08/82)

Life is a fight

In this period of time I have tried to put into practice in my own small way the things that I have understood, what I have felt inside myself as something I wish to do. I have done nothing special but I have tried to do my best in the little everyday things. I have prayed a bit more and, although with many limits, I have managed to become more available to the needs of others.

However, I must admit that many times this is not free from compromises, selfishness and limits of various kinds. However, although all that I have tried to do is little or nothing, I have felt a deep serenity inside myself; I have felt that being with the poor Christ gives the joy of living. Unlike some time ago, I have felt that my actions are not useless but have a precise meaning and aim. In the evening, when I go to sleep, I am not indifferent to the new day which is waiting for me, but I feel that I am waiting for the new day as a gift, a gift through which, in a thousand situations, to get closer and closer to him.

After this piece of unbridled optimism, it is better to go back to reality: the road is long and I am only at the beginning.
(Diary 14-15/10/78)

No, I cannot and must not abandon the fight: the Lord is with me, who will I fear? Thank you, because I am tasting again the same joy and serenity which I thought I had lost when my childhood was finished.
(Diary 26/08/79)

I want to follow the poor Jesus

Following the poor Christ in the Community, in practice, now, for me, means meeting as often as possible the brothers who I come to know through the Monday meetings with Father Oreste. Being with them means following Christ and leaving everything - my life of certainties, my pride, things that make me feel good, my self-sufficiency.

Once I have understood this and gone back to 'sea', ie to banal everyday reality, it is not so easy to return to land because, in practice, I run a big risk: that of behaving in a certain way with a certain kind of people (who almost inevitably lead you to live in that way), and in a different way with people in everyday life, with whom there is no point behaving differently because everybody is the same, leading you, almost involuntarily, to live like them.

This is why I have been trying for some time, despite all my limits, to have the same way of living and thinking with all people, whether they be poor or rich, arrogant or humble.
(Diary 05/11/79)

The choice to follow the poor Christ, which now makes me feel enthusiastic, has only just begun and is still easy, because it is conditional. However, when it becomes a full choice, it will be hard to remain faithful: Sandra, remember that God plays tricks with you! Now I feel great joy, and a great desire to walk this path, but when the initial impetus goes, it will be hard. This is why prayer is necessary, because only if my faith is true will I be able to fulfill what you want of me, what you called me for.
(Diary 14-15/10/78)

Lord, You are with me

I thought that I was alone and I did not understand that you were with me. Thank you Lord, for this world, this life, these people, this joy, for this new spring which is starting and which sees me alive. Today, if I could, I’d get a pair of shoes and a rucksack and travel round the world...

Thank you Lord.
Thank you because you exist, because you are next to me, because you put wonderful people around me, because you put such a wonderful sweetness in my heart.
Thank you because I love You, because I know that You love me, because I see You in the people around me … in all people.
Thank you Lord.
(Diary 27/02/78 - 17 years old)

Lord, thank you because you love me, because you are with me. I feel a joy which is comparable to nothing else. It is the joy of those who know that they will never be alone. Lord, I do not deserve all this. You, Lord, are not an illusion, your peace is not false, your love is eternal and your life is true. I am scared that I am living in a wonderful dream and that everything is an illusion, just as has happened to me often in the past (of course because of me).

But even if what I am living is an illusion, You, Lord, are not an illusion, your peace is not false, your love is eternal and your life is true. Thank you because you make me understand that, if your Spirit is with me, I need fear nothing. Thank you because I am tasting once again that joy and serenity which I thought I had lost at the end of my childhood.
(Diary, 10/06/79)

Lord, I choose You

I say 'I choose' and nothing more. For now I can only say, 'I choose you'. I believe that my choice is growing stronger with time. Now the time has come to accept the whole Christ and change myself radically.
(Diary 26/02/78 – 17 years old)

Lord, I feel that you are helping me to get close to you, that you are giving me the strength to make a step forward. Of course I want to accept you, but first I need to overcome myself, my pride and falsity. I am not humble and I do not want to accept this; I let myself to be terribly conditioned by others and I am too concerned of what they might think of me. I am inconsistent: I want to revolutionise the world and then I let it subjugate me.

God, can you accept me the way I am, so full of limits, fears and hopes? Or are you tired of this Pharisee who is now asking you for forgiveness but maybe in a little while will not care about you at all? Who knows if in the confusion of voices which ascend to you, mine, which is probably the falsest one, will also reach you, and you will look at me with compassion? Lord, help me. Maybe I will make it with your help, I will find an answer which I don't know now but which I hope to reach.
(Diary 17/04/79)