Sandra Sabattini

Spiritual profile by Laila Lucci, a member of the association

What is clear from the beginning of Sandra’s diary is the singular gift of wisdom which she had from early childhood, and how unusual this was for a child. This gift performed the task of putting her in union with the divine, making her know God, not in a rational way, but by experiencing Him. At 10 years of age she wrote, 'A life lived without God is a pastime, either boring or enjoyable, with which one plays while waiting for death.'

In adolescence she appeared to be spontaneously oriented towards the divine, which worked in and attracted her and that she progressively discovered. When she was only 16, she wrote, 'Thank you Lord, because I have received nothing but beautiful things from life up to now... but, above all, I thank you because you have revealed yourself to me, because I have met you.' Her reflections sometimes seem to be enlightened by a special intuitive light, which made her understand the essence of the relationship with God, not in a rational way, but through her heart: 'I do not believe in God because he exists; but God exists because I believe in Him. Because it was Him who gave me faith. Reason alone does not help us to reach God.'

Her gift of wisdom helped her to love the Lord and his Word, to become at one with the thoughts of the Creator and to develop some kind of divine instinct. This led her towards personal contact with Him through daily Mass, meditation, and constant and prolonged prayer, for which she sacrificed sleep, as testified to by many people. Her dedication to this led her to have some special experiences of transcendental presence: 'This evening... after the walk... I felt great delight in your presence, "Taste and see that Yahweh is good."'

Her certainty that God could be met was expressed as follows, in her experience as a 17 year old: 'It is not me who is looking for God, but it is God who is looking for me. There is no need for special reasoning for me in order to get close to God: words sooner or later lose their power and we are left with contemplation and adoration, waiting for Him to make you understand what He wants from you... I feel that contemplation is a necessary part of my meeting with the poor Christ. For Sandra, contemplation did not mean to look at something which is external to us, but rather to live the divine life, the seed of which was put into her by God, and to make it grow until it reached the 'height of Christ'. She was a woman of desire, able to desire the gift of intimate knowledge of the life of God.

A kind of mysticism appeared in her. This mysticism was not the kind of mysticism made up of visions or ecstasy, like that of some saints, but rather an ordinary stage of development of Christian maturity. Mysticism in her was Christian life lived more intensively. It meant loving more strongly in humility, in happiness, being in love with the wisdom of God and inflamed by the desire to possess it.

Various testimonies describe her as a lively girl, full of contagious joy. She did not let other people notice the unavoidable uncertainty of adolescence, because, in reality, she solved her doubts and anxieties through her attitude of faithfully waiting for divine intervention. 'Who am I? What do you want from my life? In other words, what do you want from my life?' Her answer to these questions was, 'For now I can only say, I choose you.'

According to Sandra, without divine light one can neither understand nor accept his/her place in the plan of God. In the meantime it is important to love, watch over one's way of life and bear fruit with the talents received by God. She always questioned herself and in this way she was docile to the action of the Holy Spirit, not only in order to contemplate supernatural reality, but also in order to judge both human and divine things, with a balance that allowed her to live within practical areas of human society, such as school and university, living like ‘yeast mixed with flour’.

Wisdom enlarged her heart to the point of making her penetrate God's heart and understand his secrets. She was aware of the supernatural aim of human life which, with time, was transformed into the ability to understand the essence of earthly reality and she ordered them both according to a well defined value scale, at the top of which the giver of everything is: '... It is mystifying to think and demand that the truth is a sum of various types of freedom. There is an attempt, carried out by a restricted group of people, to make people run in vain, flattering them with false freedoms, and giving them false aims in the name of wellbeing, a monster called capitalism. In this way people are caught up in the whirlpool of things which... go against themselves... it demands a radical change... it demands the discovery of new aims... It is not revolution which leads to truth, but is the truth which leads to revolution.'

Even her engagement, which was lived out by many girls of her age as an aim, was for her a part of the realisation of God's plan, and did not lessen in any way her dedication to God and neighbour. Sandra was characterised by absoluteness, and there are many examples of this in her diary. 'Lord, would I be able now to die for you?', 'You help me to be myself without compromise', but there is a desire to love, rejoice, to die for love’, 'I feel more and more the need to make a radical choice, but I do not know in which direction’. These represent only some of her thoughts about this.

This wish led her to a continuous examination of conscience in which she relentlessly laid bare her imperfections in love: 'I must, however, come to terms with the same omnipresent selfishness and couldn't-care-less attitude. What I have been carrying out recently is a relentless fight against these things. This means that in everything I do and in every situation I am, I ask myself: who am I doing this for - for myself or for other people?' Sandra had a deep dislike of mediocrity and, at the same time, a constant pull towards love. Charity was for her the 'synthesis of contemplation and action, the point of contact between heaven and earth, between man and God': ‘When I have truly loved, instead, I felt, even in a small amount of time, that God filled everything and everybody', 'We must be inflexible with our duty to love. We should not give up or compromise on it, and we should laugh at those who tell us to prudent.'

This absolutist way of viewing life was really the cause of her small family squabbles and disputes: advice received to be cautious and gradual in 'donating' herself was overshadowed by her wish of self-giving. In particular, she was attracted by the poor and fascinated by poverty. She felt touched by the first beatitude, 'Blessed are the poor, the kingdom of God is theirs', which she interpreted literally. This love for people in need had a Christological root : 'Poverty is love for the poor Jesus, that is, the voluntary acceptance of a limit. Jesus could have been rich but He wanted to be poor in order to participate in the universal limitations of the poor, to face a lack of something, to suffer in His flesh the harsh reality faced by humans who look for bread; he wanted to feel in his spirit the continuous instability of those who do not possess anything. Poverty is poverty, and only taking the vow of poverty is not enough to be poor in spirit.’

Her love for less fortunate people moved her to gratuitous self-giving, which went beyond Christian charity to the point of making her sacrifice both material things and time. In order to be at the service of the less fortunate, she was happy to donate the little money she received, clothes and the time she would reserve for rest. This was for her a launching pad towards perfection: 'If I truly love, how can I tolerate that one third of humanity is dying of hunger, while I keep my economical stability and security? By doing that I will be a good Christian, but certainly not a saint. Nowadays there are many 'good Christians', but the world needs saints.' Sandra lived the virtue of humility spontaneously and unconsciously. She did not consider her merits when she did good things, because she was aware that 'the Lord has done everything, and he did everything without me ... the only merit is your mercy.'

At a human level, although she had some natural gifts (intelligence, intuition, sensitivity, common sense, organisational skills), she did not like to show off. Many people saw her simplicity, inner joy and humility. Although it was unusual for her age, Sandra sometimes felt that death was close to her. She felt the vanity and limitation of earthly things because what really counts are heavenly things. Her great need for infinity moved her to look at the sky and wait for God without making plans, while waiting for his call, the hour of which had already been established.

Some expressions from the Bible really suit Sandra: 'The Lord is my joy, my song, my strength' She reached a level of contemplation which led her to live her whole life constantly trying to be oriented towards love, making a distinction between rich and banal things. She wanted to walk the entire world and change it through love, in order to heal the wounds of the pierced body of Christ made visible in suffering humanity. She spared no effort in her service of her brothers and sisters, particularly the poorest, and based her work on God alone. In this way, she left a rare testimony of unconditional devotion, the most visible fruit of which was her joy of living. I think her virtues can be an example and spur to all those who cannot find a meaning to life. They can also be a model for many 'committed' Christians who want to go deeper in their service to the Church and the world.

I think that many young people can see in her a beam of light, a lighthouse which, through the deceiving fog of the world, shows the way to the Kingdom of Heaven.